One Foot In, One Foot Out...

There comes a time in each persons life where they need to make choices. Tough choices. You need to look yourself in the mirror and decide what you want to do. Today was one of those days.

As you, dear reader, are aware, I have had a Plan B in action for a while now. It's intent has been to provide me with a "backup plan" in case my relationship with Sally imploded (again). So far, I've been diligent about pursuing the plan, but have been in no great rush. That's good, because I haven't exactly lit cyberspace on fire with women wanting to date me. :-)

Still, I've been actively pursuing this. One of the things I completed this morning was an interview on eHarmony. My intention was to create a profile there and explore more "normal" channels of interacting with available women. So, this interview process takes something. It's not a click-click-bang kind of deal. No, it requires time, thought and effort. As such, I was committed to getting through it and answering truthfully.

I get all the way to the end and hit submit, only to have the thing tell me -- we cannot give you any matches because you are not either single or divorced. Their terms of service prohibit them from offering matches to anyone that is not "freely available". While at first this pissed me off, it did start me thinking... and that is rarelly a bad thing.

I started thinking that, even though I am now separated, I am still married. That's a fact that will change soon. OK, good on that front. Then I noted to myself that I am really not single, I am attached. I am attached to Sally. I want to be attached to Sally. I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

My desire to have this "Plan B" was primarily a function of my insecurities about the future and how well my relationship with Sally is (or isn't) going at any given point in time. That leaves me with "one foot in and one foot out". There's no real power in that. It may feel like I'm being smart, but I don't think it's smart at all. The thing that I realized was that this way of trying to do it just isn't going to get it done.

I told Sally that I was "all in" and that's what I need to be -- ALL IN! I need to follow this through to its eventual conclusion. At that point, I will either have Sally for the foreseeable future OR I won't be attached anymore. It's that simple. Between now and whenever that is, the game is simple -- play full out for what you want. Period. There is no other game.

Myra Golden wrote:

"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."

Indeed, this really hit home for me. I do remember why and I am not ready to give up!

I'm done with any Plan B activity for now. I've deactivated my profile for that site and am not doing any more trolling for leads. It's time to get serious and get focused. If I go back on there (or any other site for that matter), it'll be because that's part of my Plan A, not my fallback position.

If we are going to make it, it will be because we're fully focused on making that happen. I'll be bringing all my energy and intention to that objective.

My life has just gotten much simpler. There's only ONE person and objective that I need to pay attention to.

I intend to do just that and I feel good about it.