Bitch On Wheels

Sally has not been feeling well for the past couple of days...

She's convinced this is a virus or some other thing, but I know it's that she just ran herself into the ground. She'd been working out really hard this week (including two nights out with her girlfriends), hardly sleeping and then after she got home from work on Friday, she just crashed-and-burned.

When things don't go well with her, things just don't go well at all. Funny how that works, isn't it?!

Self-torture

Late nights are the worst. If I'm not sleeping, it's when my mind kicks into overdrive. I start thinking about "the way things might have been, if I'd have made different choices."

It's the ultimate mind-fuck, with no one but myself to blame!

Churnin' and Burnin'

Sometimes that's exactly how it feels...

I'm also never really sure whether I'm coming or going, winning or losing.

On some days, things are great with Sally...

Other days are pure shit. Yeah, it's exactly like that! :-(

Now we're at the point where our sex life is basically non-existent -- and that's pretty fucking brutal.

Add financial pressures and all sorts of other shit on the top of it and you have a real formula for disaster.

I'm wondering exactly how much more I can take before I have to "cut her loose."

It's not that I want to, but fuck -- I can only take so much!

I'm not built for all this self-loathing she's got going on, because I've got my own share of shit going on.

Let The Chips Fall...

I've been thinking a lot and it hit me last night:

If she goes, she goes.
Fuck it!!

As I was thinking back on my last posting, I felt a great wave of relief come over me when I had this thought.

It's not that I won't miss her or that I don't love her, because I do.
But she's not responsible for my happiness -- I am.
I can't afford to let her shape how I live my life.
That's too much power to place in her hands.

If leaving is what she wants, more power to her.
I know that I am someone that the right woman will want to be with.
If it's not her, then that's her loss -- not mine!

Let the chips fall where they may...

Other Shoes Keep Falling!

Fucking shoes anyway! :-/

The alternate title to this blog post could be:

And that's the Nth time that she's left me!

I shit you not!

I've been crafting some posts to catch things up, but now find myself perpetually (tragically?) behind the goings on in my world.

So this past Saturday...

The Three 'R's

From a friend at his website:

On Kate...

The alternate title to this post is:

"About regrets"

Yeah, you heard that right. The Big "R" -- Regret.

I never thought I'd be saying this, given my relationship with Sally, but I am.

Why? Well, let's have a look, shall we?!

On Resilience

I've been distracted a lot lately.
Not because I want or need to be distracted, because that's the way things have been with Sally.
It's not been an easy year and a half...
In fact, I find it (almost) hard to believe that this much time has already passed.

I'd hoped to be well past where I am now.
So much for my hopes and dreams!

Why, you ask? Well...

I'm back!

Believe it or not, I am back.

Why?!

Because I fucking need it.

I gotta get these thoughts out of my head... AGAIN!

Right now, I'm full of nonsense and it's not serving me well.

In fact, this is how I feel right now: