On Resilience

I've been distracted a lot lately.
Not because I want or need to be distracted, because that's the way things have been with Sally.
It's not been an easy year and a half...
In fact, I find it (almost) hard to believe that this much time has already passed.

I'd hoped to be well past where I am now.
So much for my hopes and dreams!

Why, you ask? Well...



Quite honestly, it's a long and complicated story.
And the story fills my fucking head -- with nonsense.
I needed a means to be able to purge some of this stuff.
Part of that process for me is acknowledging it and getting it out in the open.

Once it can be seen and examined in the light of day, then it can be dealt with appropriately.
Until that is done, it just eats at me.
Knowing that there's something to be addressed, but operating over the top of it.
It's not like I am in denial about that, but I am doing my best at not being overly selfish.

What I mean is that I realize that I am not the only person in the world who's got shit going on with them.
Sally does too! In fact, she's got a ton of it. I think much more than me.
It's not that I think I am better than she is or superior to her (in making that assessment).

No, I'm quite clear that I am human too...
I am just not going to tolerate beating myself up.

When shit happens in my life, the one question (or any of similar construction) that I absolutely NOT entertain is:

What did I do to deserve this?

The fact is that bad shit happens to good people all the fucking time.
Just because it happens/happened to me doesn't mean that:

1. I deserved it
2. It's some form of karmic fucking retribution

No, sometimes, it's just what you got fucking dealt.

Period.

End of story.

At that point, the only relevant conversation to have is:

Given this, what now?!

It takes things from being "at the effect of" or "being victimized by" my circumstances and puts me in a position where I can now respond to it.

Do I always know what to do in response?
No. Not even close!!!

More often than not, I don't know what the fuck to do.
But you know what I can say?

1. I learn quickly! Yes, I am a quick study.
2. I am willing to accept things the way they are and push forward, regardless of how I feel about things.
3. I don't beat myself up. I invest my energy in what will move things forward.
4. I don't lie about things. I am truthful, especially where others are concerned, even when I probably shouldn't be.
5. I don't take an "entitlement" attitude with how I am living my life. I don't deserve anything beyond what anyone else deserves.

To me, all of this adds up to what I would describe as resilience.

I try to be nimble and resilient in the face of change, especially when I am not happy about how things are changing.

Sometimes I am more successful at this than others.

I get better at it all the time.

All I really know how to do is "keep trying"

Beyond that, I shall place my trust in Life and God to keep me on the right path.

Given things with Sally are about to "come apart at high speeds," I need to find all the resilience I can get my hands on!