The Towering Inferno of Shit

Well, fuck. That didn't take long.

Last night Sally and I had "the talk" about how I've been feeling.

"How did it go?", you ask?! Let's have a look, shall we?...

What's going on in my mind these days...

I've really been torturing myself for the last few months. My mind is not a pretty place. If you consider yourself daring, just jump in...

Though that just might show that you're actually a masochist! :-P

As I am a Dominant and a Sadist (sexually speaking, that is...), I'm really good with that.

The "Cast of Characters" has grown...

Well, given my latest blog, it would seem that this is not news, eh? Still, I thought it was worth calling out and trying to identify "who's new to the zoo."

With that, let's have a look, shall we?

Reviewing the past

Normally, I wouldn't be a fan of rehashing the past. Why? It's the past and there's not a fucking thing we can do about it.
Now I'm not so sure. I've just spent a little time going back over some of my older posts, revisiting some of my musings and ideas about how the future might play out.
I think there may be some use in reviewing these and seeing what did or didn't happen.
If nothing else, it'll allow for an accounting of things and it even may offer some insights.
Look for more to follow...

Same stuff, different year...

You become the person you are today over time. It's not like we're just fucking hatched and come out fully formed.

No, it takes living life, experiences and early decisions played out to do that.

Regret is unusual for me. Yet, I am still addressing this.

Four and a half years ago, I wrote this.

Today, I am still dealing with the fallout from my decision.

I probably will for the rest of my life.

Not a day goes by when I don't think of Kate, how much I loved being with her, or consider that my leaving *her* was one of the biggest mistakes of my life to date.

Considering that I am now with Sally, that doubles what I experience/feel today.

It will likely come to a head before the end of the year.

Certainly before January.

Things are "off" and I don't know how much more I can take!

What The Actual Fuck?!

First off, I can barely believe that I'm back here.
No, I just can't fucking believe it!!!

I thought that this space was all behind me.
I thought I'd worked all the issues out.

It's been over four years since my last post.
Shit, not that you'd know.
Only by the date on the posts really.

But, boy, I'm telling you -- I need this blog right now.
I've got so much shit swimming in my head and I need to get it out.

I don't know that I can finish this all right now, but I know that I need to be using this as an outlet for me, at least, a partial one.

There have been so many changes in my life and my relationship with Sally -- and they're driving me fucking insane!!!

So:

• I got a new job that is the equivalent of 2.5 full-time jobs 
• I am now the primary breadwinner for our "family" and am barely making ends meet with our level of expense
• We moved out of state
• We got married
• We opened up our marriage as a polyamorous couple
• She's slutting around with multiple men and women
• I'm barely getting any sex

AND I'M ABOUT TO FUCKING EXPLODE!!!

Worst part of it all?
This is my fucking refuge.
The only place I can go to work things out.

I could just about fall into a crying fit on a moments notice.
Seriously.
This is not an exaggeration.

Something needs to break and it cannot be me!!!

Strangely, this narrative sounds very familiar...