Did You Miss Me?

No, I didn't think so, dear reader. I asked anyway. How quaint! LOL
Regardless, I am back, at least for the time being.

Is this the end?

From where I sit, this very well may be the end of this blog. Why? Let me explain my thinking.

Interesting Days Ahead

The past few weeks have been very busy for me, as well is relatively quiet... At least on the relational front. things with Sandy have been better, but still strained. I would imagine that no matter how you look at it, things are going to remain strained for the foreseeable future.

I guess that's why I don't like thinking about it. Why? Let's have a look...

It's Only Paperwork...

Well, at least that is what I thought. As it turns out, just like much everything else that Sandy thinks about now, my not getting the paperwork done in a manner that she considers timely is a personal attack against her by me.

She told me that "my lack of honor in the matter adds heartbreak on top of a broken heart". Isn't that a great way to start off conversation?

Yeah, it was like that.

Things Are Quiet

Well, for the first time in a long time, things are quiet. It seems as though all of the elements in my life are finally coming together. At least, that's my sense of things right at the moment.

We will see how long this actually lasts! LOL

Beyond Words

Every now and then something happens that fundamentally alters you -- where you find yourself unable to go back to the comfortable and familiar, no matter how uncomfortable and unfamiliar the path forward may seem.

There are no words that can effectively capture and express that. The only thing that I know to do is to surrender and trust that what life has in store for me. I don't have much to say about whatever that is, except that I will step into it and follow the path.

Memories

I don't know if you noticed this, but I can be pretty hard on myself. Yes, it's true. I recognize this for what it is. The truth is that I often don't appreciate how far I've come in such a short period of time.

Why am I making this observation? Let me explain...

Things Are Good

To say that I have had a lot on my mind for the past few weeks would be a bit of an understatement. I also don't want to characterize this as being a bad thing, because it's not. In fact, the past few weeks have been quite good. Things have moved forward a number different fronts and I am pretty pleased about it. Let's talk a little more about this, shall we?

Closing The Door

There comes a time when you just have to get something done. It may not be either pleasant or convenient, but it very well may be the right thing to do. I am always on the lookout for that. Well, it's a good thing I was on the lookout for it, because I found it.

How so? Let me explain...

When It All Gets Too Real

Now, don't worry. This isn't about me. This is about Sandy. And yesterday, everything got a bit too real for her. Specifically, she found out that I have been dating. For me to describe this is awkward doesn't even do it justice.

Why? Let's have a look...

What A Weekend!

This is one of the best weekends that I have had in quite a long time.I didn't expect it to go like this, but I am very glad that it did. As it turns out, Kate and I spent the majority of this weekend together. From about 6 PM on Friday night, until about 10 AM this morning, she and I have been inseparable.

What is all the fuss is about? Let's have a look...

Meet The Parent [Updated]

Today was a fun day with Kate -- I had the chance to meet her Mom!

Another One Bites The Dust?

Or "The End of Rosie"... I'm not sure which one to use. She and I saw each other last night and what started out as a nice evening ended up rather poorly. In fact, I was a bit disturbed at how the evening played out.

It's always interesting dealing with someone new, because you're learning things about how they live their life, what's important to them and (ultimately) how that would map onto your life. Given this, I was very interested to have dinner with Rosie at her Apartment.

I just don't think I was prepared for how it actually went.

Been Busy...

I've been very busy over the past few weeks and I've wanted to blog, but haven't had the time to do so. I really don't have the time to do it now, but I feel compelled to at least write a few lines. :-)  Okay, so it will be more than a few lines. I'm not sure that I know how to do anything in just a few lines! LOL

It's an interesting time of life for me. Business is in the toilet and it's got me in a precarious financial situation. Things with Sandy are OK, but not great. Other than a few "bumps", I'd say that I was having the best time of my life -- bar none!

That's some pretty strong stuff coming from me. Let's examine a few reasons why I say these things, shall we?

Kitty Has Been "De-clawed"

OK, it's a bad joke. I don't have any good jokes, so you're stuck with bad ones. The blog is free, OK? ;-)

Had an e-mail exchange with Kitty last week and she pulled herself out of the running. She said that she wasn't feeling the kind of connection she needed to say that this would work out in the long term. Given the distance between us was going to become an issue at some point anyway, I didn't fight her. I accepted what she said at face value and let it go.

If that's the way she feels and wants it, so be it. It's all good. While it worked, it met my criteria and things ended well.

My Date(s) With Kate

From the start, my time with Kate has been different than just about anyone else. No kidding. From the first phone call that we had, I felt more "at home" with her than anyone I have spoken with since. I've also told her this too, so it's not something that I am keeping to myself. ;-)

My past two dates with her have been pretty wild. Let me fill in some details.

The Turning Point

This Friday is a special day -- it's the anniversary of my first date with Sally. I approach this with both a sense of happiness and sorrow. It is also a milestone in my personal journey. It's a turning point for me.

Date With Rosie

Date #3 with Rosie was a memorable one. Oh, did I mention that I really like Rosie? Yeah, I think I did. She's a very special lady and I left it to her to plan the date. When I showed up, I didn't know much of what was going to happen. In a way, that's a lot of fun. Twice now that has happened and each time has turned out well. Maybe I should do that more often!! LOL

"Desert Chick" Has Left The Building

Yes, it's official. With all of the other dating I am doing, I just can't see a future with Desert Chick. There have been a number of obstacles to our getting together. Frankly, I am not upset about it nor do I do think it's an accident. Nothing with her has been "easy". Always some sort of complication, whether distance or what the circumstance du jour is.

I last asked her to do something with me a little over a week ago. I got a pretty curt response that it wasn't going to work for her. She'd already planned another date and had something else going on for the day afterward. Good for her. I hope she had a good time and I do hope that she does well for herself. I don't bear any ill will towards her or have any hard feelings. Sometimes things just don't work out.

Makes it really easy to just close the book and log that one in the "over and done" category.

Gaining Momentum

Dating is proving to be quite fun and the momentum is picking up. I'm really quite pleased. There is a certain amount of fun in having first dates, but the real fun starts when you go beyond that.

Each has its own story and will require me to create some new "Cast Names" so I can talk about them on the blog. Let's start now, shall we?

Also, I had a birthday this past week. Plays into the conversation here.

My (Lonely) Valentines Day

Yes, I said it -- L-O-N-E-L-Y. Lonely. That's what it was. It hits me sometimes and last night was one of them.

Despite going out on dates, I am very lonely. I just work and live here in this house -- just me and my pets. They are some company to me, but it's not the same as having another human being. Not even close.

I don't want all that much. I'd just like to be able to know that there's someone out there that I love who will love me back in broad daylight. Yes, Sally does, but we know that story. Part-time isn't what I need. I want full-time, even if I can't be together with that person full-time (at least, yet). It's going that way, but not here yet.

I'm told that patience is a virtue... :-)

My First Second Date...

... with a first date thrown in for good luck! LOL

Contrary to what my friend told me, this dating thing is pretty fun. I guess my friend may have some "issues". Actually, I know he does. Has never had a relationship for an extended period of time. The ones he has had have ended badly. Still, this post isn't about him. I digress. Back on topic!

More First Dates...

Well, I have had lots of phone conversations (one of which was about 2.5 hours long!) and another actual first date on Super Bowl Sunday. I'm counting the long conversations as dates, just so we're clear here. :-)

So here's the update...

Sally - The Next Evolution

Yes, you read that right. There is a next evolution here and I'm happy about it. It doesn't include a return to the old ways. In fact, it doesn't bear much of a resemblance to it. We're working to discover what this "new normal" looks like.

First Dates

Well, this has been a banner week. I have had four first dates in the past week! I am just super excited about the whole thing.

My expectations are entirely reasonable -- I want to meet new women, have a good time and enjoy the company of others. That's it. Nothing more. Fortunately, the batting average is pretty good so far.

Here's the brief recap.

"Times They Are A Changin'..."

Oh my goodness, the past 7-10 days have been a whirlwind. Much more than I have the time to go into right now, but there has been movement on so many fronts. Much of what has moved and how I could not have anticipated. All of it good, though it doesn't make it any easier.

Look for some new posts from me soon. I need to talk about all of this and get it out of my head! LOL

And Now For A New Strategy... [Updated]

OK. My first foray into dating was a huge failure. Notch number one on my experience belt. So it goes, right?

I've decided that I will give online dating a try. Signed up for a popular service and am sending invites off.

I Am Obviously A Moron...

If nothing else, at least in the usually offensive definition of the term. Why do I say that?

No date tonight. Why? Keep reading...

Enter "Desert Chick"...

So, I have mentioned "Desert Chick" on the blog before. Up until now, I've been playing it at an arms length distance with her. Now? Not so much. No real need.

We're going to go on a real date this weekend. Will be interesting to see what comes of that. Ought to be fun.

And, no, don't worry -- I won't let things go too serious too quick. But a little "hanky panky" may not be out of the question! :-)

I Think I've Got A Date!

Yes, believe it or not, it's true. I  may have my first honest-to-goodness date with a woman on Monday night! :-) I'm pretty excited at the prospect. I am not trying to get myself too excited about things, but it's a pretty huge move for me.

In a previous post, I described how I first met Laura. And then, later on, I worked my way into arranging a "coffee date" with Laura and I described that in this post. Well, it's been slow going since then, but it has been going. Let me fill in some of the gaps.

Letter To Sally -- What Needed To Be Said

Well, given the circumstances and the dialogue with Gayle on the post (The Good, The Bad and The Ugly), I felt that it would be worthwhile to give my final letter to Sally a public airing.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

No, not the movie. I'm talking about how everything went down with Sally. This was particularly horrible. I never want to have to go through this again.

In a certain sense, this was a foregone conclusion. There was never really any hope of a long-term outcome with her and I am going to miss her dearly. At the same time, I think I am going to sleep more soundly. At least, I hope I will.

I Ended It

In a move that was both uncharacteristically forward and cowardly at the same time, I ended things with Sally this morning.

I feel about as low as a person probably can and am not at all proud of myself. Quite the contrary, actually.

I feel like a complete coward and a failure. I am not having an easy time of it and I don't know how this is going to turn out.

I have brought this pain upon us and I will live with that for the rest of my life.

I haven't touched alcohol in about 25 years, but right now getting completely shitfaced seems like a pretty compelling idea. I am not in a good place and just the thought of that scares me.

Been Away...

Just in case you're wondering, I haven't gone "over the edge", I've just been away on business. I got back home on Sunday night.

I guess that one of the most noteworthy things that happened last week is that I spent time with Sally again. It made for an interesting time. Let me fill in some blanks here...

Crash and Burn

That's exactly what has happened - I have crashed and burned.
With everything I've got going on, now I am sick.

I am experiencing loads of feelings -- anger, sadness, loss -- that are just overwhelming me.
It feels like I am being eaten alive from the inside.
I am still so numb, I cannot even cry.

I am tired, because I cannot sleep.
And I don't want to do anything or see anyone.
I need to eat, but I can't drag my ass off of my couch.

This is truly horrible.
I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

The Choice Point

Be careful what you ask for -- you just may get it. Or so goes the conventional wisdom. Well, it seems that the conventional wisdom is not that far off, at least in my case. Why? Oh, wait until you hear this one.

Circular Logic

Things with Sally have been interesting since Sandy and I filed for divorce... and not interesting in the "good" way. Frankly, I am finding it a bit puzzling.

The End of Desert Chick?

As abruptly as it started, I may put an end to things with Desert Chick.

Making A House A Home

It's now been four days since Sandy left. I still am cleaning up. The house was a bit of a mess. Not like having terrible renters who trash the property, but the normal "moving out mayhem" that goes with sorting, packing and tossing out the old stuff you aren't going to take with you. Years of dust, grime and "where did that come from???". Yeah, just like that.

Now I face a challenge -- how do I turn this from what was "our house" into "my home".  That's not as easy as it might sound.