What is all the fuss is about? Let's have a look...
Over the course of the weekend, we did the following:
- Had a dinner out;
- Went shopping for a cookbook for me;
- Went to see a movie;
- Spent the night together;
- Made breakfast together;
- Relaxed around the house;
- Had dinner with my parents;
- Watched a movie;
- Spent the night together in and slept in the following morning.
This knowledge is something that I am very pleased about. The main reason being is that, given that there is something more than sex to the time we spent together, I feel confident that we have the start of something very special. When we were at dinner on Friday night, I asked her the question "how long have we been dating?"
Initially, she really thought that I was trying to test her. She told me that she didn't remember, but could find out if she had her calendar available, because it was written down there. I told her "well, I could do the same thing. Unfortunately, I don't have a calendar available. Besides, I was really more looking to get a general idea of how long we had been together." Indeed, that was the case.
I planned the dinner and specifically selected the location so that we would end up at the same restaurant where we had our first date. In case you hadn't noticed by now, I really am more than a bit of a romantic. :-)
I was really hoping to use it as an opportunity to appreciate how far we've come in such a short period of time. One of the things I had the chance to tell her was how much I had been enjoying the time we were spending together, how much being with her meant to me and how much I was looking forward to spending more time with her in the future.
Spending time together
Over the past week, since Wednesday evening actually, we have spent practically all of our free time together... and I am not exaggerating about that. She stated my house on Wednesday night. We went out for live music and dinner on Thursday and then I stayed the night at her house. And then starting yesterday, she stated my place over the course of this weekend.
One of the things that she told me that I found quite interesting was that it had been quite a while since she had been in a long-term relationship and that she was not used to spending so much time with another person. She made it clear that she wasn't complaining about it, but that it might take a little bit for her to get used to it. I completely understand her point.
She asked me the question "so how long have you been single?" And I told her that it has been about six months for me. the truth, or at least what's obvious about the difference between she and I, is that I have been conditioned over the past twenty or so years to be around another person. There are aspects of what I have been through that make it easier to include her, in ways that would not necessarily be natural for her.
The real truth about where we are at in our relationship is that it will require adjustments for both of us, not just for her. Just the she needs to get used to being with another person on a regular basis, I also need to get used to being alone when I am not around her. I also need to get used to that the relationship that she and I have is not the same as the relationship that Sandy and I had. Quite frankly, I wouldn't want it to be the same as the relationship that Sandy and I had. I am looking for things to go to a new depth of connection and level of relatedness.
I think this is one of the areas where I am actually doing the best thus far. Many of the things that I had taken for granted in my relationship with Sandy, I am not doing in my relationship with Kate. In fact, I am diligently working at ensuring that we do things together to a level that I have never done before. Unless there's some reason why I would do something for her or she would do something for me on a solo basis, I want the time that we spend together to be doing things together.
It doesn't matter whether it is cooking, cleaning or some other mundane task, I want to be spending my time doing things with Kate. I truly want this to be shared time, not just time that we're in close physical proximity to each other. This is a pretty significant departure and a difference from how things were when I was with Sandy. And I must say, I am very happy about that.
Meeting with my parents
Well, it actually wasn't a meeting -- it was dinner. And it was an important dinner, at least to me, because it was the first time that Kate and my parents had the chance to meet each other. I had spoken with both parties about the other, so there was a bit of background and familiarity established. No one was walking in expecting to be surprised.
It's not as though I expected that there would be any issues between them. It's also not as though I had any doubt that they would like each other. Still, there's always that outside chance and I really wanted the evening to be successful. I wanted them to think well of and enjoy each other's company. If there were any issues, it would be awkward.
Fortunately, there were no issues. In fact, I think that the dinner went much better than I could possibly have expected. My mom felt that home very quickly and proceeded to just be herself. She is a very outspoken woman and often times very animated. I believe that there is something genetic to that, because those are traits that she and I share.
Kate was a little more reserved, but she still had a chance to talk about where she was from, her family and how she ended up in our area. in fact, when we left, she made a comment about something that my mom had said and felt that she would've reacted the exact same way as she did. I thought it was quite funny that she didn't actually tell my mom that while we were in the restaurant, but I don't necessarily think that she felt comfortable doing that.
The evening was a good first step and dinner was a complete success.
I called my mom today to check in with her and find out how things are going. while it was true that I was calling (like I usually do) to find out what is going on generally, I also had the secondary purpose of wanting to get her impressions of the dinner with Kate. She was quick to offer up that both she and my stepdad really enjoyed meeting and being with her and thought that she was a very nice person. She also mentioned that she spoke with my sister and told her that she thought she would really like Kate.
This was a good piece of feedback for me. As far as I was concerned, what I intended to have accomplish was accomplished.
Summary
Like I said, this is been a pretty wonderful weekend for me. I am optimistic about the future and looking forward to spending much more time with Kate.
We are starting to look at time that we will spend together on vacation or participating in activities and special events that the other has been invited to (e.g. friends birthday parties, etc. In addition, we have also talked about some vacation plans. Specifically, I have invited her to come be with me in Hawaii this year when I take my annual vacation. I am also looking at making a trip back to her hometown to spend time with her mom and family.
These are all important milestones for the success of a long-term relationship
We are still early in the process, but as I told her at dinner on Friday night, "before you know it, we will look back and wonder where the past year has gone."
While I agree that it may be a bit presumptuous to be thinking that far into the future, I really have no reservations about it. I am enjoying the time that I spend with Kate and I don't have any expectations about where our relationship is going to go or how quickly it will go there. I trust that these things will unfold naturally and do so over time. There is no need to rush or invent artificial timelines. We are enjoying each other's company and that's good enough for now.
I know that I am repeating myself, but I am very, very happy. It is been a long time in coming.
My circumstances may not be the most pleasant in the world to deal with, but having someone around that I care about and want to spend time with make all of the difference in the world.
For that, I am extremely grateful. I anxiously await what the next week has in store for me. I don't know what it is, but I know I am not doing it alone.
That, my friend, is priceless.
This is wonderful news!!
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