And Now For A New Strategy... [Updated]

OK. My first foray into dating was a huge failure. Notch number one on my experience belt. So it goes, right?

I've decided that I will give online dating a try. Signed up for a popular service and am sending invites off.

I Am Obviously A Moron...

If nothing else, at least in the usually offensive definition of the term. Why do I say that?

No date tonight. Why? Keep reading...

Enter "Desert Chick"...

So, I have mentioned "Desert Chick" on the blog before. Up until now, I've been playing it at an arms length distance with her. Now? Not so much. No real need.

We're going to go on a real date this weekend. Will be interesting to see what comes of that. Ought to be fun.

And, no, don't worry -- I won't let things go too serious too quick. But a little "hanky panky" may not be out of the question! :-)

I Think I've Got A Date!

Yes, believe it or not, it's true. I  may have my first honest-to-goodness date with a woman on Monday night! :-) I'm pretty excited at the prospect. I am not trying to get myself too excited about things, but it's a pretty huge move for me.

In a previous post, I described how I first met Laura. And then, later on, I worked my way into arranging a "coffee date" with Laura and I described that in this post. Well, it's been slow going since then, but it has been going. Let me fill in some of the gaps.

Letter To Sally -- What Needed To Be Said

Well, given the circumstances and the dialogue with Gayle on the post (The Good, The Bad and The Ugly), I felt that it would be worthwhile to give my final letter to Sally a public airing.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

No, not the movie. I'm talking about how everything went down with Sally. This was particularly horrible. I never want to have to go through this again.

In a certain sense, this was a foregone conclusion. There was never really any hope of a long-term outcome with her and I am going to miss her dearly. At the same time, I think I am going to sleep more soundly. At least, I hope I will.

I Ended It

In a move that was both uncharacteristically forward and cowardly at the same time, I ended things with Sally this morning.

I feel about as low as a person probably can and am not at all proud of myself. Quite the contrary, actually.

I feel like a complete coward and a failure. I am not having an easy time of it and I don't know how this is going to turn out.

I have brought this pain upon us and I will live with that for the rest of my life.

I haven't touched alcohol in about 25 years, but right now getting completely shitfaced seems like a pretty compelling idea. I am not in a good place and just the thought of that scares me.

Been Away...

Just in case you're wondering, I haven't gone "over the edge", I've just been away on business. I got back home on Sunday night.

I guess that one of the most noteworthy things that happened last week is that I spent time with Sally again. It made for an interesting time. Let me fill in some blanks here...

Crash and Burn

That's exactly what has happened - I have crashed and burned.
With everything I've got going on, now I am sick.

I am experiencing loads of feelings -- anger, sadness, loss -- that are just overwhelming me.
It feels like I am being eaten alive from the inside.
I am still so numb, I cannot even cry.

I am tired, because I cannot sleep.
And I don't want to do anything or see anyone.
I need to eat, but I can't drag my ass off of my couch.

This is truly horrible.
I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

The Choice Point

Be careful what you ask for -- you just may get it. Or so goes the conventional wisdom. Well, it seems that the conventional wisdom is not that far off, at least in my case. Why? Oh, wait until you hear this one.

Circular Logic

Things with Sally have been interesting since Sandy and I filed for divorce... and not interesting in the "good" way. Frankly, I am finding it a bit puzzling.

The End of Desert Chick?

As abruptly as it started, I may put an end to things with Desert Chick.

Making A House A Home

It's now been four days since Sandy left. I still am cleaning up. The house was a bit of a mess. Not like having terrible renters who trash the property, but the normal "moving out mayhem" that goes with sorting, packing and tossing out the old stuff you aren't going to take with you. Years of dust, grime and "where did that come from???". Yeah, just like that.

Now I face a challenge -- how do I turn this from what was "our house" into "my home".  That's not as easy as it might sound.