The past few weeks have been very busy for me, as well is relatively quiet... At least on the relational front. things with Sandy have been better, but still strained. I would imagine that no matter how you look at it, things are going to remain strained for the foreseeable future.
I guess that's why I don't like thinking about it. Why? Let's have a look...
At this stage of the game, I know myself pretty well. There's an old expression which goes "I'm a lover, not a fighter". For me, this could not be more true. I absolutely detest controversy and hard feelings. I always want to see things go to a point where something is resolved and there's no longer any hard feelings to deal with. That said, I am often left disappointed when I act from their. Why? Because, often times, there is a need for another to go through whatever feelings they have to go through to move to the next space.
In this case, Sandy is no exception. I would like everything to be resolved away which allows her to move on and not experience hard feelings towards me. At the same time, I realize that this is natural and part of the grieving process. It will go away overnight and I know that it won't go away overnight. Yet, I still wanted to get resolved in a short period of time. Partially, this is for her benefit and partially it is a bit of selfishness on my part.
And I can tell this is so, because my dating Kate came up in our conversation today. Turns out that Sandy does not know Kate by name, but she does know that she exists. And she asked me about her today. Specifically, whether or not we were "getting serious" (or not) and (in a follow-up question) whether or not she'd met my parents. I told her that we were not "getting serious", because I didn't really consider it like that. Yes, we enjoy each others company and spend a lot of time together. For right now, that's the extent of it.
I told Sandy that I had indeed arranged an introduction to my parents and Kate. Given we are dating, I didn't think it was any big deal for people to meet each other. I could tell that Sandy did not like this (no surprise, eh?) and associated it with a relationship that is deeper than it actually is. Again, it's not as though there's any issue with my current relationship with Kate, but we are still in the early stages -- regardless of anything else or what things might seem like.
With that said, I think things with Kate are going pretty well. We've been spending a lot of time with each other and have been doing a lot of activities. We'll actually be vacationing together in just about a month. I know for a fact that we're both looking forward to this. Having such a concentrated block of time to be together will be a good thing. It'll be the first test of how we do actually being around each other for an extended period of time.
In other news, I heard from Sally the other day that she and her current husband had come to an agreement that they were going to start dating other people. When I heard this, there was a distinct period of silence on the other end of the phone. Frankly, I never thought that this would happen. The fact that it has, in such a short period of time, is still surprising to me. I don't know what this means or if it actually means anything in the long term. What I do know is that this is a turning point in her relationship and many things might happen from here.
I've been fond of saying that "the future is a blank slate" and now I actually have hard evidence to prove that fact out. This was unpredictable and not anything that I asked her for. She and her husband came to this on their own. How it unfolds for them from here is anyone's guess. I am not making any decisions about this, because I neither need or have to. Anything that happens here will take place over time. I will track this with interest and respond appropriately.
Sally actually paid me a very nice complement the other day. She was noting that because of her relationship with me, she'd been much more generous with herself and others. I can tell that and how she interacts with others and hear it and how she interacts with me. There are times when those limits are tested, but overall, I think that she's right. It's a real pleasure to see how much she has developed over the time we've known each other. To know that I've played some part in that (and be acknowledged for it) was very satisfying.
For now, the way I see it, everything is business as usual. I have more than enough things to keep me occupied and I certainly don't intend to make any major choices in the short term. Right now, I am more concerned with stability and getting established on my own, then I am in radically altering the content or form of my life. When I find that it is time to do that, I will know. That's when I'll take such actions.
Until then, I will just keep moving forward...
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