"Cold and overcast with an 80% chance of showers"Yeah, that's how I feel. I don't mean to rain on anyone's parade, but that's the truth about it.
When I woke up and looked in the mirror this morning, I had a rude awakening. Very dark circles under my eyes. No, I haven't been sleeping well. I wake up, I get hot and sweaty (I guess like the female equivalent of hot flashes), I sleep about 7 hours, wake up earlier than ever... and I don't feel at all refreshed or rested. It's pretty awful. I could really do without this.
It doesn't seem that Sally is doing much better. I could tell that by her social media commentary. It's as evident as can be. In a certain sense it's satisfying (a terrible thing to think/say, I know) and at the same time I think it's terrible. Just goes to show how conflicting and confusing it all is.
She and I had a little exchange via instant messenger earlier. She said that she's had very little sleep since dumping me. Yes, I said it -- I've been dumped. Call a spade a spade, why don't we. This time it's a no holds barred, full-on dump. This is the fourth time. Must be that four is the (un)lucky number here.
She's also pretty intent on being hard on herself. Given how well I know her, I can tell you that there's no amount of my telling her "don't be hard on yourself" that will alter that. I told her that I knew that there was a part of this that I was responsible for and she shouldn't shoulder all of the burden. I am not without culpability here.
That didn't go over well. Just brought out more bitterness and self-loathing on her part. Very sorry for that, as it's not my intention. I guess that's just where things are at right now. We've each got our own stuff to deal with as we sort our way through this and discover a new foundation for being related to each other. It won't be quick, it won't be easy, but it will be fulfilling. I believe that strongly.
I hope that I'm not done in by the weather before we get to this new place.
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