It's A Brand New Day

Over the past few weeks, I've pretty much written off a future with Sally. It's not been easy. In fact, it's been a time filled with a lot of emotion and pain... neither of which I feel that I handle particularly well. Then, I guess that may be more of a broad-based issue with people, than something that is just unique to me.

I'd been preparing for the inevitable and with good reason. Last Friday, everything came to a head. I gained new insight into the situation and realized what I needed to do was the one thing that I didn't want to do. I needed to walk away of my own accord and set Sally free to live a life without me... and that's exactly what I did.

Everything was moving along fine, until last night. That's when everything changed.

I'm serious -- everything changed. And it wasn't my doing either.

Sally was having a really tough time of it and I knew that she was. I was trying to give her as much space as she needed, so that I wasn't a constant reminder of what had been lost. She had told me that she'd been extremely sad and crying a lot. That evening she and Ranger Rick went out to the costume party (wrote about that earlier).

On Sunday AM, she sent a series of messages via social media that had a certain trajectory to it... read that as, it's time to cut "him" loose forever. As a matter of fact, she'd made mention the day before about being scared of losing me forever. Since I had taken the action of walking away, I had kind of already written off anything to do with her long term, so I wasn't really concerned about a "final goodbye". Heh, indeed, I could see that there could be some distinct benefits to that for her, so I bucked up and was ready to get the text, mail or call that would be that final goodbye.

I was getting ready to head out to spend Halloween with my best friend and then Sally started texting me. I recognized the tone of the messages -- she was melting down. When she gets into this space, I know to steer well clear of her. It's kind of like a tornado in that it's capable of destroying anything in its path, whether it's good or bad. I did the best I could to disengage and not get sucked into it, but like any tornado, if you're at the wrong place/wrong time, you're going in!

The conversation disintegrated quickly to the point where she told me that she was half a heartbeat away from telling me to go away forever. At this point, I withdrew and told her that "I'm not saying another thing about it". Period. I'd said all I had to say and anything else wasn't going to help. At this point, you can visualize me just saying "OK, that's it. End of story". Which is a pretty good equivalent of how it felt. So she said a few other things and went on her way.

I had to go anyway, so I could join my best friend and his family for our planned Halloween festivities. I got to his place and we were having great fun. I changed into my costume and we went out with the kids to Trick-or-Treat. Had a great time. In the middle of the outing, I get a text from Sally apologizing for dumping all of her upset and emotion on me. I thanked her for that and then she said the equivalent of "OK, continue about your fun"... so I did! And it was great fun. We finished the neighborhood and came back to the house to serve the rest of the kids who'd show up at their place.

I stayed around for a bit and then headed home. I knew I still had stuff to do and had to get up in the AM to start off a busy week. I actually drove home in my costume! LOL I wanted to see who would notice it and look. Actually did have someone notice at a stoplight. It was really funny. Mission accomplished.

So, when I got home, I logged on to the PC and Sally was online. Took a few minutes to register that I'd made it home. Within a few minutes we were back on IM with each other.

This was the point where everything changed.

She said that she had written me an e-mail, but had not sent it. She said that she didn't know how I would react and wasn't sure about telling me. At this point, I figured here was where the other shoe would finally drop and I told her the equivalent of "look, just get it over with. Say what you're going to say". I lightly braced for the "it's been real, it's been fun... it's even been real fun, but now it's over. The way things are is too much. We just need to completely split."

Yes, that was exactly what I was waiting for...

And that isn't what I got. In fact, I got the complete opposite.

I am not going to quote her, but here are the relevant elements:

• She had a conversation with Ranger Rick about their relationship and that she was considering leaving. It wasn't resolved for either of them at the end of the conversation.
• She told me that living the life that didn't include me was way tougher than dealing with the duality of our relationship in the short-term
• She doesn't want to be on the outside looking in. She told me that she wants to be with me.

At this point, I about fell off of my office chair. All I could say was -- WOW!! Actually, I said it over and over again as she was typing these things to me.

She was choosing to be with me!!!

There's nothing simple or easy about how this is going to unfold, but I don't care. I'm up for the challenge and I want to be with her. She means the world to me and I feel very fortunate today. I'm a very happy man.

I don't know what's next, but I do know that we love each other and it's about the two of us exploring/unfolding a life together.

That's good enough for me. The rest we'll figure out along the way.

P.S. The ice cream and hot fudge are now officially GONE!!! :-D