Waiting For This Shoe To Drop

Well, it's almost here. Within the next few weeks, if Sally actually does it, she'll formally bring up the divorce to him.

This is potentially a real landmark moment for everyone involved.

Why? Well let's look at it...

Lots of things over the past weeks have had Sally be "on the fence" about whether or not she'd actually go through with this. It seems that, throughout this period of time, she's gotten either positive feedback from key people around her OR negative feedback (as in behavioral) from Rick. All of these things lean towards making a formal split.

Sally originally told me that she'd most likely have the conversation with Rick during spring break when her son was away. As I calculate it, it's just a little less than two weeks. As of right now, there's certainly no guarantees that she'll go through with it. Even if she does ask, there's no guarantee on how it will turn out. As with any divorce, you can go right up until the time the court issues the judgment and then back out.

At the same time, she's not the kind of person who is a "flip flopper." If she executes on this, she's going "full tilt boogie" -- she doesn't really know how to do halfway. This will have a big impact on a lot of people in her life. It will also have an impact on mine. I will have choices to make, if that's the case. Choices I never thought I'd be in the position of having to make.

I never planned on having this happen. Shit, not even close. I never thought it was possible! It always existed for me as a bit of a "pipe dream" and little more. Today, I stand before the very real possibility that I may soon have exactly what I asked for. It's both exciting and scary.

What if she takes action, I take action and then she reverses course!? If I make a change in my relational environment, it's likely going to have significant consequences which I would likely not be able to undo. They would be pretty "final."

I spoke with her today and I am even more convinced that she's tipped towards making the decision to divorce. Rick had approached her about an activity that she'd (under normal circumstances) be very interested in during late Summer. Rather than trying to surprise her, he asked her about whether or not they should book it... she said "NO" (emphasis added).

This is significant for her. If she were leaning towards patching it up, I don't think that she'd have passed up on the opportunity. It was too compelling not to act on. Given how I "read the tea leaves," I think that means that it's now just a matter of when it will happen, not if.

One of the things that I've though of and written about before is "what if she makes the move, but decides to work with him as he 'reforms' himself?"

For me, this is the real "wild card" here. I can't say that is out of the question. I think there's less of a chance for this now than there has ever been, but I still think there is a real chance for that to happen. As a result, I am not going to look at making any changes to the way my life is, until such time as she's gone public with the news.

The bottom line for me is this, it's all boiling down to which way she plans on going.
Why? Because, if she's staying, I'm going.

She's told me once during this whole thing that it seems like that she's having to choose between Rick or I and that she doesn't want to choose. Well, up until a little while ago, I was fine (or as fine as I could be) with the way things were. After what's happened ("the incident"), I cannot stay involved with her and just pretend that I am OK with it, because I am not.

The hard part right now is letting it unfold and take shape without explicitly demanding that she make the change. I cannot and will not do that. I will not force her into the situation where I make her choose. She has to do that on her own.

She has to examine her own heart and answer the question about what will truly have her be happy... or not. If she:

• Wants to keep it status quo and give up on "being happy", so be it.
• Thinks that she can find happiness in Rick's "reforming" himself, so be it.
• Finds that the only way that she can be happy is to move on, so be it.

I'll do my best to support her in whatever choice she makes, but that doesn't mean that there won't be changes/consequences. I can't promise that.

Yes, I have my preferences in the matter -- I think I always will. I just won't use them as a lever to cause her to make a certain choice.

That's as good as I can do right now. Maybe, at some point, I will make a different choice. I won't rule it out, but I just don't know.