It's The Little Things...

Yes, it's the little things that get me and have me feel like "second-class" in Sally's world. I don't for a second think that it's what she intends, but as the old saying goes:

"Here I sit all broken hearted, tried to..."

I'm only kidding about the old saying, but I'm not kidding about the "feeling broken hearted" part.

Here's why...

I don't consider myself to be a "high maintenance" kind of guy. In fact, I give my Sally a lot of room and am not demanding in a lot of ways, because I am sensitive to the circumstances. Perhaps that is a fault of mine. I don't know.

Phone Calls
So, she's getting ready to head home from work today and I ask her if there's an opportunity to talk on her way home. She tells me that there isn't, because she left her Bluetooth headset at home. I am not suggesting that she do anything illegal or dangerous to talk to me, given the vehicle she drives, but I wasn't really asking for much either. Just the chance to hear her voice and connect. Just to say hello.

She leaves work and goes to an appointment, only to find that they've messed up on the call time by a long shot. There's a delay in getting her seen, but they're still going to work her in and see her. I am happy for that. Now, given there's a few moments to kill, do I get a phone call from her? Uh, no. I do not.

And I fully expect she'll be off with Rick tonight out "having fun" on some sort of "date night."

Flowers
Sent her a nice bouquet of flowers the other day. Well, I got a nice phone call upon receipt and she seemed to be happy about it. I asked for a picture and never got one. What I did get was that she mentioned it on her social media account with a link to a small photo. It was offered up like "oh, this happened to me today."

I built that up to be something important in my mind and for a lot of women it really would have been something of note. Apparently for her, not so much. Barely registered on the "Relational Richter Scale." A relative sent her flowers a few weeks ago and she fell all over herself talking about how sweet and nice it was. Me? Not so much. Not even an oblique reference. Is this just another sign that
perhaps I just don't rate.

Summary
There's lots of things that she says about how she wants or needs me, let there are also lots of ways in which she acts the complete opposite of what she says to me. Often times, I'm left wondering whether I am just dense or there's something else going on that I don't understand. Which is entirely possible, because there is a lot that I don't understand when it comes to relationships.

Maybe this is just garden variety jealousy in it's most caustic and personal form. Then again, maybe I have a legitimate beef/concern. After all, it's not like I am asking for a lot from her. A single fucking two minute phone call. One opportunity to connect that doesn't even require face-to-face meeting in the course of a day. How the hell do I know?

I seriously dislike being the guy "on the outside." If nothing else, I can say that I have an appreciation for what women who fall for married guys must go through. It's nothing that I would wish on anyone.

Days like this have me question my own sanity for continuing down this path.

Perhaps it's just more evidence of my true worth...