I'm not just the President of the club, I'm also a member! ;-)
OK, that was bad, I admit it.
But I also had a little bit of a win tonight, given my last post.
So, there I am...
... sitting at my computer, as is (too) often the case.
As I'd predicted, she and Rick went out tonight and not too long into it, I see a message from her talking about that she's basically pissed off and will be lucky to last to the end of their "date." Well, naturally, I send a message to her and ask her what's up and she waves me off. OK, I said. That's fine. There are some things I don't need to know.
Well, she follows this up with a very self-deprecating message about herself and I ask her what she's on about. She told me that Rick started a conversation with her that left her seriously upset.
You'll never guess how I reacted? OK, I'm that shallow and transparent. Yes, I am. Why do I say that?
Because I was happy about it!!
Not that I was happy that she was upset. No, not at all. In fact, that she was upset seriously pisses me off. What I was happy about was that Rick was getting the job done that I need/want him to get done. I so badly want him to keep stepping all over himself, I can't even describe it.
It may sound awful, because in a way it is. But it's truly the way that I feel.
Look, if Sally decides that she wants to stay with Rick -- warts and all -- good on her. I won't be happy about it, but I am not going to criticize her for it. I've pretty much made up my mind now that when I find that this is the final outcome, I'm "giving notice." I am not going to hang on living this way. It's just too tough.
There was a point where I was OK with the arrangement that we have now. It worked for them and it worked for me. Ever since the incident, it's been an entirely new game. My active hate for Rick grows every day. The thought of him getting the privilege of being with her on a regular basis and enjoying her company makes me angry beyond belief.
But, if she's undecided still, I'd like her to see exactly what she's signing up for for the rest of her life. The more he does that, the more obvious it will be that this is the way that it's going. This is who/what he is -- he's not going to change and doesn't see that it's required.
The thing I'd love to hear is "OK, I'm done, now it's just a matter of when we do the split and how." Of course, that's overly ambitious at this point, but I have my fingers crossed about it.
So I am now the (un)official president of the "Ranger Rick Fan Club"
Go Rick, you're doing just fine!
Keep up the good work!
I may be an asshole, but I am consistent and I know what I want.
Hate me if you must, I sometimes do.
[15 Mar 12 - AM]
OK, so I had the chance to talk with Sally a little while ago and it's (painfully) obvious to her that Rick doesn't have a clue about what was really wrong about "the incident" and that he's justifying his actions.
Imagine my shock.
Yeah, right. I'm not shocked at all.
In fact, the more I see that, the more it pisses me off.
He's never going to see why or how it was wrong.
While she may not be "concerned" about it, I believe that there's every likelihood that he's going to revert back into this way of behaving again, even if what he does about it actually changes.
Part of what I want to say to her about it, I can't say to her, so I'll say it here. At least that way, it's not just swimming around in my head. No, I need it out of there. I need to be able to focus and be accomplishing things.
Anyhow, she also acknowledged that, if she could see her way clear on how to manage it, she'd leave him right now. She's got some stuff to work out on how to do that in a way that works for her. There will never be a "good time" to do that. Never.
She wants to preserve all of her relationships and manage how people see her. Well, guess what?
It's never going to be clean like that!
As much as I'd like it to be that way for her, I'm sorry, it's just not going to be that way.
Someone in that collection of folks won't agree with her decision or why she made it. It doesn't matter what the decision is. Good, bad or indifferent, people are going to make up their own shit about what, why and when.
It's also why I am adamant about not being the one who coaxes her to leave Rick. She needs to leave Rick under her own steam and for her own reasons, not because she wants to be with me. Do I want her to want to be with me? Of course! But I don't want that to be "the blame" for why their marriage failed.
No, this is on Rick. Period. End of story.
Keep going, Rick.
You are going great guns.
Love it.
Sincerely,
"Your #1 Fan"
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