What's Love Got To Do With It?

Yeah, as I wrote that title, I had Tina Turner's song going through my head. Sorry about that. Just shows the quirky side of how I think. You're welcome.

So, anyhow, the question is a relevant one, especially when it comes to my thinking about relationships. I'm specifically thinking about Kate.

Why? Well, let's have a look and see...

Kate and I started dating early in 2011, as I talked about in this post. She and I were discussing it not too long ago and we're both kind of shocked at how it doesn't feel as though we've been seeing each other for a year, but we're rapidly coming up on that first anniversary.

Since we've been seeing each other, we've spent more time together than I have with practically anyone since I left Sandy. We've exchanged keys to and stay at each others houses, we've on vacationed together, attended family functions, etc. We enjoy each others company in and out of bed. In short, we're practically joined at the hip most days.

As I mentioned in my update post, even though we don't have any agreement about being in an exclusive relationship with each other, we kinda do. Other than seeing Sally, I don't actively "date" other women and I don't really have the desire (or the time) to do so.

One could say that:

"Well, you've not given it a fair chance, because you haven't focused on your relationship with just her."

I won't say that there's absolutely no truth to this, because that's just as much of an error as just jumping in blindly and saying it is true!

Yes, I understand that perspective and I don't necessarily think that it's true. Over the past months, I have also been thinking a lot about the nature of love, relationships -- including polyamory.

I don't have any definitive answers at this point, just a lot more questions. I'm not unhappy about that and I don't expect that I will come to any near term conclusions that would have me alter my living arrangements. I think that it's more likely that either Sally or Kate will take an action that causes change in our relational status.

I do have genuine feelings of concern, affinity and affection for Kate. Yet, I am not inclined (at this point, anyway) to call it "Love". Yes, I love being around her and spending time with her.

• Can I see myself spending the rest of my life with her? Sort of.
• Can I see myself not wanting to play with others? Not really.

Am I open to these things? Absolutely!

For now, where I stand is that I don't feel it's either timely or prudent to be cutting off or reducing options. I just ended a very long marriage and I am not interested in jumping back into the same (or similar) fire that I just jumped out of.

At the same point, I can't help wondering whether it is how my (former) married life unfolded that is coloring my experience and making me reluctant to "dive in" and "fully explore" things with Kate.

I am just not sure. I am going to think and write about this some more and see where it takes me. The absolute worst case scenario here is that everything comes flying apart with both Sally or Kate and I end up having neither of them in my life. Such a loss is not a life threatening illness. No, I don't want that, but it wouldn't kill me, if it happened.

Here I am at the end of the post and my original question remains unanswered. Ugh.