Up In The Air

In a previous post, I mentioned that, for the first time since we've been seeing each other, Sally has begun to actively question whether or not she's going to stay with Rick.

The jury is still out and deliberating...

Currently, given our respective schedules, Sally and I see each other (on the average) about once a week. As of late, we've been finding opportunities to see each other twice a week, but that isn't a guarantee. It's more our being creative about finding windows of opportunity that are workable for us.

Our main time each week usually involves a whole day and much of it we spend "between the sheets." Both of us would like more quality time outside of the bedroom, but given the way things are right now, we do the best we can with the time that we're given. When it works out that we are able to be together, we seriously enjoy each others' company and don't want to be apart.

So when we were together this week, in between "messing around," we had the chance to talk with each other a little bit. [NOTE: While this unto itself is not unusual, given the topic of this post, calling it out is appropriate to help establish context for the reader]

During our time this week, she mentioned:

1. Things had changed significantly between her and Rick. Some of the ways that the two of them had interacted with each other in the past were no longer there and was representative of the damage done to their relationship;
2. That she still has not made any decisions about what she's going to do about her relationship;
3. She doesn't have any set agenda or expectations about the timing in which she would be making a decision about where to go with their relationship;
4. My name has come up in their conversations number of times and it still seems a little odd to me, but at least I know that it's a serious conversation and not fictitious.

These days are marked by uncertainty, because there's no clear path forward for either of us. I don't want to make any decisions prematurely or force Sally to make a choice before she is ready.

At the same time, I am not in a position to delay acting, should a new opportunity open up... and I get the distinct sense that I am on the cusp of having something significant happening. In the end, I am going to need to choose to do the thing that works for addressing my circumstances, (almost) regardless of the relational consequences that go along with it.

This is especially important because of what I wrote in this post, regarding the thought that she and Rick might stay together. I mean, seriously, if it was not a viable option, she'd have already acted -- that much I am clear about. One of the things I can say about Sally is that she is decisive. When she makes up her mind, things happen! So, by virtue of the existing evidence, it's only reasonable for me to continue operating under the assumption that she will try to do what she needs to do to maintain the status quo.

Deciding to "put off deciding" is a luxury that few have -- and I clearly do not have any luxury in my life at the moment! One of the things I am considering is relocating. I am seriously considering either leasing or selling my house and moving to a new area where the potential for some significant job opportunities are. I don't really want to move, but I might not have a choice in the matter, given the problems some dealing with at work. When I add my spousal support burden into the equation, it makes the problem that much more acute.

On top of this, Kate has been dealing with their own crap (family wise, that is) and has been out looking for a house to buy. This is not new news, but it had been on hold for a while. A few days ago, she went out with her realtor and looked at a property. She was strongly considering whether or not she was going to submit an offer on it. It is certain sense, this caught me off guard. I didn't expect that she would actually be looking for a place, nor did I expect that she would actually start looking for one without letting me know.

In a certain sense, the after-the-fact nature of it is the more shocking part of it. She eventually ended up sharing the details with me, including the actual listing so I could have a look at, but it was clearly more of a "for your information" then anything else. I guess it's a good thing that we haven't passed the "too serious" point yet! :-) Heh. I wonder if she'd still concur with me on this point or not!?!?

Right now, this seems like one giant game of "musical chairs" being played out over time. When the music stops, there will be one less chair and someone will be left standing on the outside.

At this point, I have no idea who that is going to be -- it very well might be me!