The Chicken Or The Egg?

Which came first? Well, it seems that there is a "scientific answer" to the question, but whether or not I actually buy it is another post entirely.

Still, given what's been happening recently, the issue of causality has been on my mind.

Let me tell you why...

The Context
That Rick and Sally now have an open marriage was totally unexpected to everyone (not that it's a matter of public discussion and debate, mind you). I still don't know quite how they got there, but that's for their blog, not mine, eh?

I do know that they talked a lot about it -- discussing rules, expectations, feelings, etc. Indeed, it's been a bit of a "work in progress". I think that at the beginning, it may have been a bit of an academic/conceptual exercise. I don't believe that he understood that she had been seeing me before and was intending to again. Recently, that came up in their conversation and Sally told me that he'd had one of those looks of sudden recognition on his face.

I was not surprised to hear that at all. I mean, seriously, that's when you know it's gotten really real!!

I asked myself the question:

"What would you say and how would you feel, if you were on the receiving end of that communication?"

Trust me, I had a very hard time relating to it. I couldn't picture myself in that situation.

So, I guess that either Rick is either:
1. Way more open and mature than I am OR
2. Doing anything he needs to in order to keep Sally signed on to the program with her OR
3. Maybe a little bit of both...

I don't know and (to a certain extent) I don't really care. He's got to go through his shit, just like I have to go through mine.


The Incident
In my post yesterday, I spoke about an incident that occurred with Sally and Rick.

I am aware that I have come up in conversations that they have had with each other numerous times since things became "really real" for Rick. This includes the period of time which was (significantly) less than a day before the incident.

I know little about what actually led up to or what happened during the actual incident itself. I do know about the residual effects and resultant issues from it.


The Question
The question that sits in my mind as I write this post is:

"What role or how much of a part did I play in having the incident occur?"

Did my involvement represent a significant enough amount of stress on either of their parts to "tip it over the edge"? Did it help create the conditions under which the incident could occur? Right now, I cannot help but think that it has had some sort of adverse effect in that general direction.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not looking to take the blame for it. They are both adults and have free will. I truly can't "cause" anything to occur. I am concerned that my mere presence acts as a destabilizing influence in their life and relationship. [Editors Note: Understatement of the year award candidate, anyone?]

Long time visitors to this blog will know that I value Sally's happiness above anything and that I want her to live a life full of love, regardless of what that means for me. Namely, if I needed to be out of the picture to ensure that her home life was happy and harmonious, I would do so without question and never give that a second thought.

At the same time, I cannot help but wonder whether my ongoing presence undermines the very thing that I want for the woman that is the love of my life.

It's very curious, indeed.

I might have to ask my Magic 8 Ball to get an answer to this one...