Increasing The Fear Threshold

First, you throw down the gauntlet. Second... gee what's second... Oh, look to see who picks it up.

My note to Sally was a bit like throwing down the gauntlet, when you think about it. The real question is whether or not it'll just lay there or get picked up.

Needless to say, this was a disruptive event. Frankly, I cannot believe that I did that. It's either bravery or stupidity... and I'm willing to acknowledge that there may be a fine line between the two.

This has been scarier for me than practically anything in my life to date. I was literally trembling as I was writing the note and as I wrote some of the IMs to her.

A little while after I called her regarding the "question on the table", she sent me an IM back telling me that I knew she couldn't say "yes" to me.

As it turns out, this isn't quite true. Why? Well, there are some things that I did know:

1. She said that she'd never leave Ranger Rick
2. I told her that I would never ask her to (force her to make a choice)
3. There's a big difference between asking her for "forever" and "the next logical step in a future together"

From this point on, we've been chatting back and forth about this.

All of the concerns and reservations that accompany the conversation are coming up. This is the stuff that we'd need to talk about to determine whether a future is actually viable. There's a lot to consider. It's not a foregone conclusion. There is risk involved all along the way. Quite a bit of risk for both of us. I told her that I'm all in for seeing what it takes, the only thing I need from her is say that she'll join me.

This is edgy stuff. I'm quite clear that I've crossed a line in a major way. Not even a little -- no, this is MAJOR. I've done so without reservation or regret. Ultimately, I've no idea how this will play out. Not a clue. What I do know? I'm following this to its logical conclusion. If it all blows up and comes apart at high speeds, so be it.

Of course, there's also the old saying:

"Be careful what you wish for, you just may get it!"

The game is on. Now it's just a matter of time.