Or in my case, Sandy returns home from her trip on Monday afternoon. I'm looking as forward to this as I would being in a position where I needed to do my own dental surgery on myself with home power tools.
If you are thinking that I don't think this is a good thing, your powers of perception are not off. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. I'm at a point where I want to be done with her. Really.
Unfortunately, I am still going to have to have her in my life through the end of the year. That's the truth about it. I just can't get around it. It's going to take time and money to relocate her and I'm not in a position to really allocate either in the quantity that it'll take to get the job done properly.
I talked with Sandy last night. She went to great lengths to confirm that I will be moving out of the house on Monday night. I said I would be doing so. Frankly, it seems like a really good decision now. The less time I have to spend with her, especially sharing a bed, the better. The downside here is that my office is in my house, so I cannot get out of seeing her. I just won't have to deal with her at night. I guess the good thing is that it'll help me keep more normal work hours. I certainly don't want to stay at the house any longer than I have to with her around.
The other thing that happened last week was (right before departing on the trip), she sent me a bit of a poisoned pen e-mail. It was a follow up to a particularly shitty phone call that we'd had the night before. She used the opportunity to take a few swipes at me and start pinning the whole marriage implosion on me. Like I was the whole source of all the problems with our marriage. I think it's just tragic to have someone be either that blind or that arrogant about what's really going on.
I'll make no bones about it. I am not an easy person to live with. I am not an angel. Then again, I'm not evil either. Fact of the matter is that I have tried my best. Unfortunately, my best hasn't been (and is not now) good enough to salvage our relationship. This thing is going down in flames. I'll be lucky if I can keep it on the track of an amicable split. Time will tell.
It took all the restraint that I could muster to not peel off a zinger e-mail in return and give her a virtual whack upside the head. She started to go at me on the telephone and I stopped her. I told her that I just couldn't deal with it at the time (which was true) and I would appreciate it if we could have that conversation once she returned from her trip. So, we'll likely go from the airport to dinner somewhere and start battling with each other on this. I'm not looking forward to it, but it's gotta happen. There's no dodging this one. Time to take it head on.
I wish I could shake the whole "bad penny" thing. It's beyond annoying now.
You are right someone needs to move out as soon as you or her can. I would say it should be you ...not because I am a woman but because from what I am understanding you are the one that wants the divorce. I may have asked this before but if Sally wasn't in the picture would you try to make your marriage work? That is something to think about and a seperation would help you do that.
ReplyDeleteHeh. Prompting another post you are, Gayle! I'm going to move out/on and be fine with it. It'll all work out.
ReplyDeleteAs far as Sally goes, her presence does nothing to impact working it out with my wife. She had nothing to do with why I strayed in the first place, but was really a powerful force in confirming what I already knew to be true. The die was cast before she showed up.
I think Sandy needs the separation just as badly as I do. I think that she's finally starting to get real about who I am and the cost of the damage that has been done.
I cannot say that it's irrecoverable, but a Las Vegas odds maker would likely classify this as a 40:1 shot or greater.
The fear about working through things is that it'll just be a temporary condition and things will go back to the way that they were. This has happened before. Then we find ourselves another 2-5 years in, coming back to the same point where we are now.
It's also one of those things that I will be bringing into the talk with her upon her return.
How wise you are!! I do understand now. My husband knows that I need certain things from him ....I have talked to him about these things over my almost 40 years of marriage but I guess it's not in his personality to give them to me. Can any of us really change.
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