About "Mustang Sally"...

Yes, the name is definitely an homage to the song of the same name. The reason that I like it for a character name is that it's kind of fitting with her personality and way of being. I felt that she deserved her own post, as a means of formally introducing her into the story.

She really does deserve it and she's more special to me than you can ever imagine. We are having an affair. She has said from the start (and continues to say) that she isn't going to leave Ranger Rick. I've said from the start that leaving Sandy was inevitable, the only question was when and how that will happen. Sally and Rick have been married for a number of years. My wife and I have been together for almost two decades.

Sally is my friend and my lover. I love her in ways that I've never loved another woman before and likely will not again. We came to know each other through an online dating site. We were both having issues related to the sexual side of our marriage and satisfying those urges seemed simple enough at the start. All of a sudden, it wasn't simple any more. Not even close.

It's not that I don't think I'll ever love another woman again. I do believe that I am capable of loving other women. In fact, I can say authentically that I've only loved three women in my entire life -- Sally is one of those three. Each of them holds a place in my heart that the other two cannot fill/replace. It's not a simple substitution.

I knew that I loved her from the moment I first saw her when we finally met in person. I don't know what it was, but I knew it down to my bones that I would love her for the rest of my life. There was something unique about our relationship that just cannot be replicated. I've known that from the start.

Sex with Sally is off the charts good. In fact, I cannot describe how absolutely wonderful and magical having sex with her is. Still, the way I feel about her goes way beyond the sexual component. In fact, I would say that only 30% of what I feel about her has to do with our sex life. The remaining percentage is all about that intangible portion of our relationship that I call love.

I love her and I know that she loves me. The strange thing is that neither of us anticipated that we would fall in love with the other or even thought it could/would happen.

I know I was really just looking to explore the sexual side of myself, but what I got was a whole world more. Through the initial period of our relationship, I came to know things about myself and my sexuality that I never thought I'd learn. Many of those lessons were hard lessons. The bottom line is that it's all helped me grow over this past year.

I also had many "self-inflicted wounds", because I wasn't knowledgeable about how to relate to/with women. I was also in a situation where I found my emotions just suddenly kick into overdrive. It was extremely hard to relate to this. I was not prepared for the intensity or the disruption that this would represent. Adding Sally to the equation was just adding fuel to an already intense burning fire.

Fact is, I've never been the guy who thinks he's "all that" or loaded with confidence. Quite to the contrary. When it comes to getting to know who I really am, I am much more of an introvert than I might appear to be. I do a lot of presentations and public speaking, but the truth is that I've spent most of my life deathly afraid of people and what they think about me.

Sally was the right woman at the right time to help me discover who I really am. Yes, I did the work, but she helped set up the conditions in which I could make those discoveries about myself. I will be eternally indebted to her for the opportunities that she's provided to me.

Our relationship has gone through a number of major phases. There was one point at the beginning of August 2010 where we just came apart at high speeds and broke off contact. Things stayed like that for a few weeks and I initiated contact again. This resulted in an exchange which ended up with her telling me to never contact her again. It was brutal, let me tell you. At that point, I knew that things were over between us. I made my peace with that and closed down my old blog. I was done with whatever portion of my life that it represented.

Then several weeks later, I received an e-mail from her and we started conversing again. During that period, it was very touch and go. One of the key things that stands out for me about this period is that I was different. The only thing that I knew I could do was just be as honest as I could be and give her the space to do the same. We had very frank conversations about what had happened and how we felt. I just wanted us to be in communication with each other, complete whatever needed to be completed and go forward from there. I didn't really have any intention to start seeing her again. In fact, I was still scared shitless from our last blow up.

Over the course of the next week, we kept talking. The end result is that we are now together again. It's entirely different than it was before, in lots of ways that I'll write about here. It's so much better and more fulfilling to be with her than it has ever been. We both altered and have come together stronger than ever before.

I'm not saying that everything is perfect. Our relationship has its challenges. It's hard for both of us. If you've never been the "other person", you'll probably not really be able to relate to this and what it feels like. Still, I would much rather deal with the complexity and whatever challenges come from loving her and choosing to have her be a part of my life, than to make the choice to be without her.

Right now, she's making that same choice. I don't really know how long she'll feel that way. Given what she's said to me, I know that this is temporary. There will come a time when she either no longer wants or just cannot deal with me being a part of her life. Sometimes the uncertainty this represents is almost unbearable for me. Tough. That's part of what I have to deal with, given the choice I am making.

One last point to make is that even during our darkest hours, I knew two important things:

I love Sally with all my heart and I always will.

There is absolutely nothing that will change that fact.

Where will this go from here? I have no idea. Your guess is as good as mine.