Sally and I are really going to be together.
One of the things I appreciate about her (and that you may remember from many previous posts) is that, once she starts down a path, there's no stopping her!
This week is a classic example of this.
It almost seems like more time has passed than the calendar would indicate.
For example, just in the past several days, Sally has taken action to:
- Have a conversation with her therapist about asking for the divorce;
- Start informing people in her life that they are getting divorced;
- Begin preliminary discussion with Rick on splitting of assets and limited spousal support;
- Send Rick to live in the spare bedroom, during the period in which they will still live together;
- Retain a lawyer to assist with the divorce.
Most of this has happened within the past 48 hours. She's really making an effort to get this wrapped as quickly as possible. Because it is so awkward, she wants to get the arrangements done and have him leave the house as quickly as possible. I want that as well. I don't want him around any longer than is absolutely necessary.
It turns out that Sally was the only one who's been busy. Rick has been at it too!Sally told me that he's already applied for a transfer within his company to a city that's (roughly) 1500 miles away. If this comes through, it could have him be gone by the start of the holiday season. I would be perfectly fine with this :-)
At the same time, this presents certain challenges for Sally on the economic front. It will represent a significant change in lifestyle for her, because when Rick goes, his salary will go with him. There'll be something to collect out of the settlement agreement (eventually), but I know that she doesn't want to take advantage of any of that. Unfortunately for her, I don't think she's going to have much choice about it.
Even if she is working at a job making a nice income, there is still going to be a shortfall to maintain the current house. I am fully behind her keeping her house so that she doesn't have to move her son to a new school during the last years of his high school career. I know what this is like and it's terrible. I don't want to have to see him go through this either.
She also has the challenge of managing the communication with her friends and family. She has to consider:
- Who gets told;
- When the right timing is to tell them;
- How much to actually reveal about the nature of their split;
- etc.
None of these are easy answers for her. Some are easier than others, but none are truly easy.
It'll also be very important to manage how I am introduced into her public life. One of the things that we want to be very careful about is that their split does not start getting attributed to me. It would be unreasonable to say that our relationship was not a complicating factor, but it would be to say that it's the source of why they are getting divorced.
As she wrote on a private blog not too long ago, they are both unhappy and the situation is no longer tenable. In essence, that's all anyone really needs to know. The specifics of how they got to where they are today isn't really anyone's business but theirs.
This is also prompting me to take actions as well. I've been considering renting my house and taking other actions to leave the area. It's all up for grabs now.I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do. I am still interested in renting the house, but I have likely lost the window to do it this year. Even if I could, there's too much going on right now to do that, practically speaking.
In spite of this, I am pleased with how things are unfolding. It's now crystal clear that their split is well underway and she is not turning back.
This is not to say that it's without stress for her. Not even close to being something stress-free. In fact, the level of stress continues to escalate for her. I'm doing what I can to help manage the effects of this, but right now what I can do is limited.
It may mean that the coming months are tough for us, from a logistics and financial perspective. If that's the case, then so be it. I don't want to be with her "for her money." We want to be together because we love and care for each other. In my book, that's bigger than any problem that we may face.
We can and will do this.
Everything will work out just fine.
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