The Unwinding

So much has been happening in my life, I can barely keep up with it. Often I feel like I am on the ragged edge of sanity -- potentially "losing it" if it just gets "a little bit worse". Yeah, it's like that.

Sandy had been away for about a week on a combination business / relocation planning trip. The rate at which our relationship has been unwinding has been steadily increasing. I'm not sleeping well either. I am very restless at night. I've stopped exercising and that's terrible -- it's the one thing that helps me actively manage my stress. Part of it is the cold weather. I hate being cold.

First off, I found out that while she was gone, she signed papers on a house for herself. This was rather shocking to me. I knew she was looking at the place and was interested. I didn't really think that she would do it. Heh. So much for what I think she'll do.

Sandy and I spent all day together today. We worked our way through a review of a Marital Separation Agreement (MSA). We didn't finish it, but we looked at all of the component parts and took a first cut at it. Right now, my brain is about the consistency of oatmeal.

We both commented today on how "real things were getting". We are separating. This isn't just a thought or a good idea. No, it's really real.

I am now confronting the financial elements of this as well. Holy shit, I am about to get myself signed up for a huge obligation spousal support and will likely go for a number of years -- I figure at least five. I am seriously not looking forward to this. No, that's not it. I am scared out of my mind!!!!

As I write this, it's just coming at me so fast, I just want to curl up into a ball and hide away.

I am surprised I have been able to write this much. Ugh!